Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
