Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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