I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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