thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
