What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
