there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
