why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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