That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
