My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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