I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
