Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
