I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
