no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
