You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
