It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
