after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
