News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize