I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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