Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
accomplished twins. life is a go
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
