Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
