The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
