guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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