Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize