first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
