my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you would pick up someone in the library
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
