please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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