I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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