I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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