eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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