I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
