i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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