I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
