GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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