...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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