2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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