that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize