Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it was like his penis was on wheels.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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