i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
