i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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