dude i'm inner monologue high
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
