Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize