My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
