Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
