Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
