just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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