Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Randomize