So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
