I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
