Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
