Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
false alarm. still invincible.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
