I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
