Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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