its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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