There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
