You just made me feel so damn special
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
