I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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