If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
