Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
