I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
