Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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