So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
