would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
