Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
