Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
