Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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