Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
