Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
