You made me cry and you don't even care
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
