your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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